Saturday, 28 May 2011

How Piet lost his teeth : Black comedy

It seems when God handed out teeth to mankind, Afrikaner men stood last in the row and a few defective and reject sets were given to us, but when God gave humour we took the front row and we smiled broadly with our smashing dentals . That is why I am going to share a tale with you regarding the unusual circumstances of how Piet, the delivery man, lost his set of false teeth.

At one of the stop streets close to my dad’s office a notorious beggar made his livelihood from donations.
Looking like a hungover basset hound, he made his rounds for a donation and stood in front of your car window peering at you with his sad bloodshot eyes.

My father was very amiable and charitable in character but every time this specific beggar stood in front of him he opened the window and removed his false teeth and offered them to him. The beggar would become enraged and would utter a string of angry words to which my father would respond by bursting out in a fit of laughter.

Finding it rather cruel I reprimanded my father and asked him why he acted so harshly against this beggar. Father told me that once when he offered him a few coppers to alleviate his hardship the beggar told him that the banks do not accept copper coins therefore he declines donations of copper.

“The last time I offered him a job as a general worker at the office he snobbishly informed me that he was overqualified for such a job and was actually looking for a dentist  job” father said with a smirk on his face. Arriving at the office I overheard Piet, our delivery guy, talking to the tea lady about our aristocratic beggar and how arrogant his behaviour was.

Walking up to Piet I said “Offer him your teeth like father and enjoy the absolute lyricism of his rant ” Giving me a smile with his government subsidised false ones he said “Oh really, seems like fun.  I will try it out, my china. ”

Piet came in from a delivery that afternoon and he was enraged, asking with a mumbling voice, to see my father. There was al lot of commotion in the office and then my phone rang and father said “Can you please come to my office”
When I entered his office Piet was standing there.  He pointed his finger at me, saying to Father, with a Grandmamma mouth, ‘Your son told me to do it”

Feeling a little apprehensive with this finger-pointing and angry looks from the delivery guy I asked Piet: ” What’s your story man!”
Father looked at me and started laughing so uncontrollably that he was unable to speak.  He flapped his hand at Piet, indicating to him to explain.
“I followed your advice and offered my teeth to that rude beggar. He grabbed them from my hands, fitted them into his mouth, thanked me and disappeared down one of the side alleys “

That same afternoon father deducted the cost of the lost teeth from my salary and I was instructed to take Piet to the dentist.
As we drove to the dentist, we had to pass through the set of traffic lights where Piet had lost his teeth.  We saw our beggar with a big shiny smile. He showed us the finger and ran, roaring with laughter, into one of the narrow alleyways of Cape Town.

1 comment:

  1. sink ones teeth in to his bitey piece... enjoyed it i did