Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Go and Fix us




Heavily sedated and drifting away from therapy I heard the sharp call from an eagle and saw a peacock going into the shrubs and I followed her. Taking the last brush of leaves from my vision, truth slowly unfolded in front of my eyes.
This is what I saw in Buddha’s garden:     
The wind blows and its gentleness take the long grass by its green hips and gently sway it. Light plays on every leaf and the shimmering sparkles of colours shines under a blue massive sky. The rays of the sun clothes and embraces me with beatific feelings of being part of this.
Water flows from the summer green mountains and its exuberance babbles and chats from far away. It sounds like the crying, chuckle delight of little children making turns on the super tube that leads to the pool where I stand.
It’s   festive with glowing mallard ducks paddling through the water and humming birds blending and vanishing into the rainbow mist under the waterfall. Larks and a thousand other birds sing together and form a celestial choral group without even knowing it.

Sadness tucked at my heart, hurt like a dynamo light shining, scanning every inch of painful memory and ugliness that stayed inside me like a crazed creature. Unable to stare to long, losing power and losing the light I screamed and images of abuse, deprivation and humiliation bounced against me.

Somebody softly asked me to pedal and the light returned to glare at those screaming images that somehow faded away as the light stayed on them. The last image of my bloody faced mother screamed at me and she promised that she will haunt me forever as the last smear of her image vanished.

Out of the dark a little boy came forward and said “From now on stay in the light and darkness will never visit again “Taking me by the hand he escorted me to the end of the garden and said “Go and fix us”          

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